Life Goes On

Since I left home two days ago for our trip to Florida, two people have died whom I care about. Two funerals I would want to attend if I were home. I have been in constant consternation since I left wondering if I should turn around and return home. I take friendships seriously. And although both the beautiful women who died were aged and at peace with their fate, they leave behind family members who are dear friends of mine. I want to be with them to comfort them in their loss.



The timing is really horrible. We came to Florida for a conference that Dan wanted to attend in order to make a more informed decision about some speaking engagements he has been asked to do in 2010. Then tomorrow we will meet with the organization that has approached him about this opportunity. After that appointment we are to pick up his brother and sister-in-law who will already be at a cousin’s house, having flown in today from cold Ohio. Dan’s brother Nate and his wife, Viola are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary and we are privileged to have been asked to share this celebration with them.



To make this trip even more complicated, we just had our ninth grandchild born in Colorado and my heart wants to be out there to celebrate with our oldest son and his wife and beautiful family. And Ilea and Jared (our middle son) are making wedding plans and I want to help them. Ashley’s been having a lot of discipline issues and frustrations with her 2 and a half year old Clara who is too precocious and too cute for her own good and I want to take her to my house and give Ashley and Nathan a break. So many reasons why I feel guilty taking a trip away from home…..especially right now.



All these tugs on my time and energy and emotions are not exclusive to me. Everyone has them or at least they do in the circles in which I run. It is hard, in these days of continual busyness, to take time away to regroup. Life simply does not stop just because it is time for a vacation. Life goes on. And sometimes, if we allow it to, Life takes over and all of a sudden life IS over. I don’t want to become so busy and so entrenched in the events around me that I can’t feel the peace of unplugging and finding rest. Yet, I want to be available when I am needed. A consternation that is hard to rectify. At some point, one simply has to say, “Enough!” and schedule time for regrouping; a time to refill the tank with energy that makes it possible to function sanely. For me, that refilling comes best from just unplugging and going to the beach. It is how I can refuel and be more effective for the busy life I lead every day.



So I am trying to make peace with myself about not being nearby when my friend’s mothers have died. They know I love them and will be there for them when I return. My children will survive without me in constant attendance. My grandchildren will not be angry that I am absent for a few days and that tiny new baby boy in Colorado will never even know I am not there.



Can I truly give myself permission to just relax and enjoy being away with the love of my life for a few days? Can I enjoy helping my dear brother and sister-in-law celebrate a wonderful milestone in their lives while catching a few rays that nourish my soul and my body and rejuvenate me? I think I can. I just stepped outside into the warm sunshine and my heart and body tells me I need this time for me. And I need this time away with my sweetheart. If we don’t take care of us, we won’t be around long enough to enjoy all the kids, grandkids, friends and events in our lives. When you have officially reached “over the hill” status, you think more seriously about refueling and resting. I hope my friends and family want that for me as much as I want it for them.