It's Not All About YOU!

This morning I am spurred to write because of my concern and, quite frankly, my impatience with all the whining I am hearing lately. One of the first emails I read today contained a quote that hit a nerve and set me off on a thought process that led me back to my computer in writing mode. This is the quote and I thank Thom Carlin for putting it in my mailbox:



You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind.

Your mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing.

Get interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in

something! Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something.

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself,

the more energy you will have.- Norman Vincent Peale



I often get on my high horse about giving to others and the power in looking beyond yourself. Lately I have seen and heard many people who are obsessed with their own circumstances and feel they live in a black hole from which there is no escape. Every conversation comes back to THEM. Every situation has some implication to THEM. Every bad thing that can happen happens to THEM.



Yesterday I had two people say something to me that stuck. My son’s fiancé, Ilea and I were talking about someone we both know who seems to be enjoying the attention he gets from all the failures in his life. Dan would say he is living in “comfortable misery”. It becomes a heavy cloak for some people and is rarely shed because it is so very comfortable and well-worn. This “comfortable misery” has gone on for quite some time and colors every aspect of his life. Reminds me of what my mother used to say about even bad attention, for some people, is better than no attention at all.



Then yesterday afternoon I was walking across the yard with Clara, my two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter when she turned around, pointed her pudgy little finger at me and with a very sincere and commanding look, told me, “Yia-Yia (that is Greek for Grandma and what she calls me), you have a choice! You can be YOU or you can be Cinderella!” I had to laugh at her precociousness but what she said has stuck with me like a pearl of wisdom often does.



Do you want to be YOU or do you want to be Cinderella? Are you comfortable in your misery? Are you craving attention so badly that the only way you know to get it is to draw attention to all the negatives and failures in your life? Are you so disappointed, worried, angry, and frustrated with your life that you can’t see the positives and be grateful? Can you not motivate yourself to move beyond that misery?



Maybe you ought to go back and reread what Norman Vincent Peale had to say. Maybe you need a good dose of helping someone else or getting involved in something worthwhile that takes your focus off yourself and your circumstances.



We live in America. The land of wealth and opportunity. We have few restrictions on our lives in this country and we take so much for granted. We see people come from what appears to be insurmountable odds against them, rise to the top with stardom, success and fulfillment. Yet we see others with fewer obstacles never get beyond them. Why? I am convinced that a lot has to do with our perception and attitude. Like little Clara says, I have two choices. I can be Cinderella or I can be ME in my misery or in my chaos or my perceptions. I choose to be Cinderella on the days when I feel beaten down or frustrated. On other days I will be ME because I know I am blessed beyond measure and choose not to wallow in all that might be obstacles in my life.



In a couple days I will be sixty-one. After age fifty I am sure my life went into overdrive and the years have been reduced to months that fly by so rapidly that it takes my breath away. I want to enjoy each day to the fullest and not be so encumbered by comfortable misery. I have had many of the same struggles in my life as anyone else. The difference is that I refuse to be controlled by those struggles and have them become my identity. When someone asks me “How are you?” I will respond with a cheery “GREAT!” because even if I may not feel that way at the moment, I intend to get there FAST.......and programming my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth is the first step to feeling on top of the world.



Sometimes I want to be Dr. Phil and ask people who are immersed in their anger, pain and misery.............. “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Unfortunately, often the response would be, “You just don’t understand.” Well, maybe I don’t. But I do know that I am not happy in “comfortable misery” and will do all I can not to go there. I wish others would take that same philosophy to heart. The best way I know to do that is to reach out to others when I am hurting most or getting too self-absorbed. I quickly realize how my own situation is not so bad and I am uplifted by the knowledge that I helped to make some little piece of this world a little better.