Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Thanks To You All!

I have had so many amazing wishes for my birthday today. Friends and family have called, texted, emailed, sent cards, gifts, letters. It is wonderful to be remembered no matter how old you get. And for all of you who have asked.....the trip to Chicago was one of the best ever. Dan and I relaxed and rested and just had a great time. My favorite gift was the joy of seeing huge snowflakes falling as I walked down State Street watching the incredible Christmas light display mingled with the snowflakes. It is why I love Chicago at Christmas. It is truly magical.

And I can't say enough about how wonderful the people are. We were treated so well everywhere we went. Chicago is a big city with a small town friendliness. Another highlight was being treated to a birthday lunch at the Signature Room by Mike and Kim Galvan. Mike came to one of our coaching events here this summer and told us they wanted to hook up when we got to Chicago sometime so we did. The Signature Room is on the 95th floor of the Hancock Tower and the view is spectacular. What a fun experience......THANKS MIKE AND KIM! We had a great time visiting this wonderful couple.

We also spent an afternoon at Moody Radio with our friend, Melinda Schmidt. We taped an hour-long Midday Connection program which was a lot of fun. Being in the studio was so different than doing a phone interview and Melinda is such a great host.

All in all, this has been a memorable birthday for me and I am feeling VERY blessed by all my friends and family. Thanks to each of you who sent me well-wishes. Thanks for your friendship and love. Hugs to you all!!

Eating at the Signature Room with Mike and Kim Galvan

Packing My Bags

This week Dan and I are flying to Chicago. I can’t count how many times we have made this same trip……..well over twenty five. All those years ago I would never have thought it would become a yearly gift. But every year, the week before Christmas we pack a bag of heavy sweaters and pants and our “Chicago” coats and boots and head to the Windy City. Because, like most people, I have a birthday. Every year. However, I happen to have a Christmas birthday that got overlooked most all the years of my growing up. Three days before Christmas often results in a personal celebration getting lost in the shuffle.

I often accompanied Dan to Chicago for speaking engagements about 25 years ago and I fell in love with the city. After a couple years of going there because of business, we began to go there for sheer pleasure and it became my annual birthday trip. One I cherish and look forward to all year long.

I am telling you this because this trip is probably not high on Dan’s list of favorite things to do. He hates the cold. He hates the traffic (we never drive. Did that once and understood why most Chicago cars are beat up). He isn’t a shopper and he doesn’t like crowds. Yet, each year at this time he never hesitates to book our tickets early, goes on priceline.com and gets us a four-star hotel on the Magnificent Mile, one of the most incredible shopping Meccas in the Nation, packs all his winter-weather gear, shuts down his computer and turns his brain to “vacation-mode” and off we go.

He does it for me. It’s as simple as that. For almost half our married life, each year I know Dan willingly and joyfully makes this happen because he loves me and he is willing to invest in our marriage even when it means going out of his comfort zone. For that simple reason, this trip is more than a tribute to me or a celebration of my birthday. It is a special gift from Dan that says, “I love you!” in a way that simple words can’t embrace. And that makes the trip extra special.

A few days ago, our neighbor friends, Leigh and Olin went with us to dinner. Olin is a good-lookin’-out-doorsy kinda’ guy and the place we went to is a plantation house noted for its tea rooms. They have over 120 flavors of loose-leaf teas they brew for you. They bring pretty cozy-wrapped teapots to your table with the specially brewed flavor of your choice for you to pour into dainty cups with flowers on them. Not exactly a man-kinda’ place! Leigh was so excited about going and told me she was in Heaven since she loves tea and Victorian décor. Olin didn’t balk at joining in the fun and even adorned a hat for a picture pose (there are many on the walls for patrons to wear if they desire to be festive).

That evening reminded me of the deposits Dan makes in our relationship that make a lasting impression. I saw Olin doing the same thing for Leigh. It was sweet and it was a statement that said, “I love you enough to go where you want me to go”. Powerful. It is the foundation of a great marriage. The willingness to love enough to give of yourself even when it isn’t in your comfort zone. It’s like giving a gift you simply can’t afford but you want to do it because of the incredible blessing it gives to both giver and recipient. You simply can’t invest too much in a relationship if you want it to be rich, vibrant and long-lasting. Dan sees that. Olin sees that. And Leigh and I feel blessed.

Valentine’s Day is always my favorite holiday. I have some great stories I have written about the ways Dan and I have invested in our long marriage to make it the best it can be. This Valentine’s Day we are going to be on a cruise in the Caribbean. I have some great tools to share with those who come on this cruise with us that will encourage them to invest in their relationships more abundantly whether it is with a spouse, friend, parent or child. I can’t wait to share them. Hope to see a bunch of you on Valentine’s Day this year! However, right now I am going back to packing for my Chicago trip! Happy Birthday to ME!



It's My Pleasure

During the rush of the season I am often reminded of this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King. “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven will pause to say, 'There lived a great street sweeper who did his job well'."

I am reminded of this quote because I am intrigued that so many people in the marketplace simply don’t get it. If you know the Miller family very well (and a lot of you do!) you realize that we don’t do ANYTHING with mediocrity in mind. In fact, I don’t think that word exists in our dictionary. For any of us!

I am intrigued that store owners and the people they hire to represent them to the public don’t “get” that this is the best time of year to shout from the rooftops: you give the BEST customer service and the BEST deals and the BEST quality.

However, I am painfully aware of how few people take seriously that they are the “face” of the company they work for. When I am in line at a checkout counter and the checker never even makes eye contact or gives me my total, I am astounded that he/she even got hired in the first place. Does no one in management TRAIN employees anymore? Does no one monitor them? Do employees care so little for themselves and how they come across to the public that they simply do what is necessary to get a pay check and offer no more? I suspect those are the very people who continually complain about the economy and their employer and look for ways to collect unemployment when they are ultimately let go. They are the people who when asked “How are you today?” will reply, “I’ll be fine in 30 minutes when I can go home!”………..

MLK said it well and I heartily embrace the message. If you are going to do ANYTHING, do it with GUSTO! Do it the best you possibly can in order to prove your worth to the company. Those success stories of people who rose from the mailroom to the CEO didn’t happen because they settled for mediocrity. They worked hard and proved themselves. Every step of the way. I know it is a busy time of year and people are frazzled but each of us owes it to ourselves to be the BEST we can be in every area of our lives. I know from personal experience that what you sow you will reap!

Have a happy Holiday and go shopping with a smile on your face and a lift in your step. Hopefully you will run into some clerks and sales people who will reward you with a resounding, “It’s my PLEASURE!” (and if you want to get a good dose of that, take a lunch break and go to Chic-Fil-A where that response is eagerly expressed by everyone who works there!)

A Chapter Closes

Daniel and I just returned from his father’s funeral. It was, as expected, a bittersweet time. We celebrated a life well lived yet, mourned the closing of a chapter of his life and ours. Dan’s mother died nine years ago. We were surprised his father lived as long as he did. We have, as a family, said our goodbyes to him countless times thinking the end was near...but he always rallied and was still singing hymns and trying to cheer others up till the end.

Daniel and I have talked a lot about how this really is a chapter closing in our lives. All the countless trips to Ohio to spend holidays and birthdays and Father’s Day and Mother’s Day have come to an end. Yes, we both still have a few relatives in the area but any trips north from now on will be, well….different. Very different. We figure we have made well over one hundred journeys to Ohio (a nine-hour trip) through the years. Hauling kids, grandkids, gifts, toys, baby gear, bicycles, and luggage. Our now grown children have incredible memories of sharing times with Grandma and Grandpa. Some are hilarious. Some have shaped who they are in some form or fashion. These grandparents left major footprints on all our lives. Especially mine.

I was kind of thrown into the Miller family on a snowy evening just before Easter in the early spring of 1967. I had met Danny Miller (as he was known back then) on my very first day of college at Ohio State University (branch campus) in the fall of 1966. I was seventeen and he was eighteen. I had never heard of the Mennonites and the Amish. I was not accustomed to going to church and never knew the concept of Christianity. Through Dan I learned and grew and began going to church. I became a committed Christian at eighteen and he and I joined the very small choir in the Brethren church where we ultimately got married in 1968.

I came from a single parent home, never really knowing my father. Mom had been divorced three times. During the time I dated Daniel, my mother was going through a very difficult time in her life and was very threatened by my new-found “religion” and Daniel’s interest in me…taking me away from her. On that snowy night I first met the Miller family, I was locked out of my house because I was fifteen minutes past my 10:00 pm curfew due to our staying late at church to practice a duet Dan and I were doing in the Easter pageant. I was a teenager with no place to go, scared and crying. Dan called our pastor who instructed him to take me home to his family farm. Little did that pastor know how that evening would change my life.

This was the sixties. I had on a mini-skirt, make-up, fancy hairdo and jewelry. I certainly did not look like the conservative Mennonite girl Dan’s parents would have picked out for their son to date. Not by any stretch. And to add to the drama….I had been kicked out of my house. Definitely not how you want to meet your potential in-laws. Daniel and I had been brought up in very different worlds. Mine was very worldly compared to his staunch conservative Mennonite upbringing. He was searching for a new meaning to his beliefs and I was searching for someone to show me a better way. I have no doubt that God orchestrated our connection.

I had a lot to learn about living a Christian lifestyle and about the amazing heritage Daniel came from. The first time I experienced Christmas at their house I was shocked that there was no Santa, no tree, no fun and festivities. Instead it was solemn, quiet, and over quickly. Each person got one utilitarian gift and we read scripture and that was about it. I, being raised “heathen” was used to my mother (who was usually on welfare) borrowing money at the holiday and my two sisters and I having elaborate Santa Christmases and lots of food and family time with relatives (all women...all the men had been divorced out!) We had a lot of “cultural” differences to overcome and lots of compromises to make.

(Ray and Clara at our wedding March 23, 1968)

The years have created lots of changes in our own lives and also in the lives of my in-laws. They became my parents in so many ways. Daniel’s mother and father became mine. I have no doubt what-so-ever that they grew to love me just as much as they loved their own children. And I have no doubt that God put me in their lives to teach them more about Grace and normal", Love and Family. Dan’s mother, Clara, told me that many times. Dan’s Dad showed it to me in many ways. I wrote them handwritten letters for years. When Clara died, Ray told me many times how much those letters meant to him. I sent him pictures and we visited when we could. Lots and lots of drives to Ohio.

I know the Amish and conservative Mennonite heritage Daniel and his siblings grew up in was very restrictive and caused frustration and at times, anger. But that upbringing left an indelible imprint on Daniel of strong roots, good work ethic, integrity and spiritually. No family is perfect. Ray and Clara didn’t have an exemplary record for parenting and in marriage. But there was a strong spiritual, ethical and cultural thread running through their lives that fulfilled a need I had, as a disturbed teenager-searching for something to hang on to. And there were roots Daniel knew he didn’t want to deny in spite of his strong desire to break free of the confines of legalism.

During these days following Ray Miller’s death and burial we all welcomed the familiarity of those roots. The beautiful Amish-made plain pine coffin made by “Apple Dan”, the hand-made spray of apples, corn shucks, fall leaves, and wheat we put on top of that coffin, the lifting of A-Capella voices singing all the old favorite hymns we learned in many years of going to church; the lines of Amish coming to pay their respects and gratitude to a man who provided transportation to them in their own times of need; the comforting meals provided with love and care by countless Mennonites; the long-time neighbors who expressed tearfully how Ray and Clara had touched their lives in so many ways. All those memories. All those expressions of love and kindness and goodness.

The chapter may be closed now but the story doesn’t stop with their deaths. Their progeny consists of five children, fifteen grandchildren, and so far sixteen great-grandchildren. And that’s not counting members brought into the family through marriage. The family tree will continue to produce and be fruitful in many ways. And we will remember the good times we spent at Grandma and Grandpa’s house... And I, for one, will always be grateful for the role they played in my husband’s life and in mine and the heritage they gave to our children. A chapter closes but the story continues………

Illustrative Artist vs. Fine Artist

I want to address a question I have been asked by many people. It came up again last night as I was showing the proof copy of my newest children's book.....When I Am Quiet, to a group of creative friends. My dear friend and collaborator, Rose Gauss, did an amazing job on the beautiful illustrations. The group had seen some of my drawings on the wall and know I take art classes and make my own note/greeting cards with my drawings. Even though they LOVED Rose's illustrations, they asked why don't I do my own illustrations? The answer is very simple. When I draw, my art is very detailed and precise. Like this:


That might look good hanging on someone's wall or for the front of a note card, but it would bore a child to death. I have tried to be whimsical and less "controlled" in my drawings but it just isn't in me.

Rose is an illustrator. She can draw amazing whimsical, carefree characters that I simply don't know how to do. In illustrating you have to be able to project action, emotions, facial expressions, etc that would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for me to do even though I can draw. My art is VERY different from what would best fit a children's book. Now look at two of the pages from the new book and you will see how very different Rose's gifting is from mine.

www.RoseGauss.com

Rose creates images that engage the imagination and makes the child want to read more. She is perfect for what I want to portray in my books. She “sees” what I write. I am thankful we are a team……and very blessed by her talent. We have a tacit agreement. She won’t ask me to do her job and I won’t ask her to do mine! We are both very comfortable with our gifting and collaborating to create something we both can be proud of.

Listen to This!

If you read my blog post on What a Wonderful World and scroll to the comments you will see that my friend Pei Kang sent a link to Louis Armstrong singing What A Wonderful World with a great short video of the beauty all around us. If you want to start your day with a smile on your face, check out the link. It is worth listenting to and watching every day. Thanks so much Pei and ......... Blessings to you all and have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. jfm

What A Wonderful World!

"I love that God gave me eyes to see His beauty in everything and everyone, especially when it’s the unexpected. But it’s a decision, every day, to walk in that, and to keep my eyes open." Jared N. Miller


Anyone who receives a personal email from me will see this quote after my signature. I pray it helps to instill a desire to look at the day in a brighter and more optimistic slant. Our world needs that. In a big way. That statement packs a lot of maturity for a young guy who has had a lot of struggles in his life. It is a quote every Christian needs to memorize.


I get weary of all the continual emails “informing” me of the gloom and doom that is going to befall this world we live in (and befall ME if I don’t pass it on!) I know everyone gets those same emails. Just so you know, I don’t want to sign every petition that is going around. It is always outdated and sometimes even bogus anyway. I don’t want to know what religious segment of our society is going to murder us all and I don’t want to know who is burning another American flag.


It isn’t that I am cold hearted. I have been accused of being sensitive to a fault. But we have far too much access to world news these days and quite honestly I am very happy to take an “ostrich-with-it’s-head-in-the-sand” view on all the rape, pillage and violence in this world. I refuse to listen to all the news channels on radio and TV more than about once a week. In that short time-span I can get the gist of anything important I might be missing in the current news. Beyond that, I do not want to be informed about what politician is in bed with whom, what starlet is in rehab……..again……..and who in Nashville was raped or robbed or burned down something or someone……….again.


I have this theory that if I take seriously creating a haven of peace and joy in my own home, carry that attitude and effort into my neighborhood and community and my centers of influence, I will do more good in helping the world I live in become a better place. Wasting time reading emails about how the Muslims are taking over and how I should boycott the gas stations and not shop at Wal-Mart is just not in my schedule book anymore.


I do care about the world at large and I do many philanthropic endeavors. But I would appreciate it if people would stop sending me all the junk going over the Internet that is gloom and doom and fear producing. In all honesty, I am pretty sure the Bible states clearly that Christians are told to go out and spread JOY and Good Tidings …………..and NOT fear and trepidation.


This morning I heard ole’ Sachmo………..Louis Armstrong………..crooning on the computer, words that made me smile and should be a mantra for all Christians. Not intended to be a hymn, yet, it seemed that it brought blessings to my ears…………………………


I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
they’ll learn much more than I'll never know


And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.


 


I had to think how so many miss the beauty of our wonderful world because they are so consumed with the bad news running rampant. I know I am a glass-half-full kind of person and that I can’t expect everyone to feel the same way. But I can ask those who choose to see the glass half empty………that the world is going to Hell in a hand basket………….to keep their emails to themselves and not to send them my way. I CAN choose not to be around them. I CAN choose to walk away from their pessimistic attitudes towards life. It’s ironic that most of the people who seem to spread these “words of cheer” tend to be the ones also convinced there are no jobs to be had and have continual ailments, lawsuits, and other injustices done to them.


 


Maybe there is a lot of truth in the scripture from Proverbs 12:25, “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Jared’s quote on choosing to see beauty in each day is one worth remembering. As for me and my house……………we choose to speak (and read) joy and peace into our days………….not emails that say the sky is falling!


 


PS. I do enjoy getting personal emails, but if I am on your email list for gloom and doom and forecasts for a dim future, please remove my name. Put me on your no-call list……..and I pray you learn to see beauty in your day!

Shopping in Mayberry

We hear a lot these days about poor customer service. Poor customer service can kill a perfectly good business. It is a fact a restaurant or retail store where the service is poor guarantees I will very likely never go back. It is also a fact that negative aspects of our society is mostly what we hear about. So I wanted to shout out a really positive place to shop to balance out all the negatives flying around out there.


I love to shop at Publix. Not that grocery shopping is my favorite pastime. Actually, it is a chore I will put off till I simply have no choice. But Publix always makes me leave with a smile on my face and a feeling that the people there really do care.


A recent example:


I walk into our local Publix in Franklin and am immediately greeted by a gentleman stocking shelves. It has always impressed me that if I Iook at all befuddled at Publix, someone appears out of thin air to ask if I need help finding something. If I do, they don’t just tell me where………………….they TAKE me to the item. Has been like that since the day they opened the store and that impresses me. If they don’t have an item I need regularly they will special order it for me.


I walk to the bakery department and ask to have a loaf of their delicious store-made breakfast bread sliced. No problem says Anna, the most helpful lady in retail these days.


Anna reminds me of a throwback from Andy Griffith’s Mayberry. She is probably in her sixties and has lots of great tips for the homemaker. She would have been Aunt Bea’s best friend. One time I was pondering the glass cleaner section and Anna came up behind me and pulled out an obscure spray can and said, “I guarantee you will like this one the best!” I agreed to try it after she convinced me she knew from experience. Since that time I have bought dozens of those cans and will continue to do so. Anna knew what she was talking about.


So this time Anna is slicing bread for me and chattering away like she is my best friend. That is what I like about Anna. She always makes me feel like she is letting me in on her best kept secrets. She hands me a piece of fresh baked hearty grain bread while telling me how nutritious it is. “Want me to slice a loaf for you?” And of course I threw one in my cart. She is a great saleslady but not in a pushy kind of way……………she just tells the truth.


I head up and down the aisles and stop at the fresh meat counter. I tell the gentleman I would like a pound of the shrimp that is on sale. “And will you please cook it for me?” to which the kind gentleman asks me, “What kind of seasoning would you like?” I tell him and leave to gather a few more items. When I return, it is still warm in the wrapping and smelling good enough to eat on the spot. A great start on fixing dinner that evening.


I wheel my cart to the laundry soap aisle and ponder the variety there. Anna comes up behind me and tugs on my sleeve and shows me the best deal there. Says she just got some for herself and loved it. So today I am doing laundry and of course I am using the soap Anna recommended. Then she leans over conspiratorially and says, “You know what is the best laundry freshener and softener?” Just so happens I had been wondering that very thing………….honestly!! She leans in and says, “White vinegar!” She steps back and watches for my response. “Really?” I say? “Yep! Come here……I’ll show you where it is. Most people don’t know this but I read it in a leading magazine years ago and it works like a charm!” She shows me the nice clean shirt she has on and says, “See? It is good for your clothes and takes the soap residue out during the rinse cycle. Just put in ½ cup and see for yourself!” And you bet I put a large container of white vinegar in my cart. (Have done exactly what she said and am very pleased with the results.) I remember to thank her for the tip on the glass cleaner and she beams with joy that I remember her and her advice. She asks me to let her know what I think of the laundry soap and the vinegar rinse. I intend to do so with gusto!


I then proceed to check out where the lady at the register who has a goodly amount of graying hair says to her line of customers, “Today is senior’s day! Looks like no one in this line qualifies but I wanted to let you know.” I ask her what constitutes being a senior. She tells me it is age 60 and over. “I’m going on 62, so I guess that qualifies me! I say “So what do I get?” She informs me I get 5% off my total bill. “Well, great! I’ll take it!” Then the guy who is bagging my groceries asks if I have gotten my penny item for the day? I didn’t have any coupon for a penny item but he said it didn’t matter so I ask what it is and this day it happens to be any kind of iced tea I want. I choose peach tea and the cashier rings up one penny. Now I don’t have to figure out what my dinner guests will drink.


Wow! The bargains and tips for the day have left me quite impressed with Publix once again. But it isn’t over! The gentleman (who looks as though he qualifies as a senior) doesn’t ask me, he just wheels my cart of groceries out to my car while chatting about the hot weather and being generally friendly. When I begin to help him load the groceries into the trunk he says, “Why don’t you go inside and start the air and stay in the cool while I do this?” I am astonished and thank him. He gathers up a bag of frozen items and asks if he can put them in my car to keep them cooler while driving home. I agree and thank him for being so considerate.


I drove home that day in awe of the excellent service and felt like the “chore” of having to buy groceries was turned into a blessing that stuck with me for days. Excellent customer service may seem a rarity to folks these days but I promise if you go to Publix…………especially the one in Franklin, TN…………you will have an experience that would make Andy Taylor and Barney Fife proud!


 

Writing and Seeing

We just had our Write to the Bank conference here at our Sanctuary in Franklin, TN. It was a smashing success. It was fun to meet so many new faces who have such a burning desire to write and to express their creativity. Many people were far into the process and needed help on the business and marketing end of writing and we had plenty to say about that issue.

I have attended a LOT of writer’s conferences through the years and I honestly do believe that what we have to offer in this two day event is far more than I EVER received in practical, useful information about writing. One thing that kept coming to the forefront in all our discussions is the need to “think outside the box”. The term may seem clichéd at this point but taking an honest look at how books are available and the changes in publishing were key topics at this event.

One of our attendees, Kaci Allen from this area, took a picture she shared with me later and I simply couldn’t figure out what it was. She said it looked to her like a guitar and I could certainly see that in the picture. But where and what?? So I wrote back and asked her. She said it was in our yard and was a koi pond liner leaning up against the back of a tree. I was floored because I pride myself in being pretty observant. I can see things everywhere around me that most people miss. I attribute that not to a unique gifting but to becoming more observant due to ten years of art classes and reading books that have helped me become more AWARE of the world around me.

But here in my own backyard I have a giant “guitar” I didn’t see before.

Kaci’s observation was a great example of her own creative nature and her ability to see the world with different……..and more creative………..eyes. Look around you today and see if you can find an example of something God has put right before you that most people would miss in their busyness and tunnel vision. I’ll bet it will change your outlook on the whole day because there really is beauty all around you……….it’s just that we often miss it because we are encumbered with the laborious task of living.

Life Goes On

Since I left home two days ago for our trip to Florida, two people have died whom I care about. Two funerals I would want to attend if I were home. I have been in constant consternation since I left wondering if I should turn around and return home. I take friendships seriously. And although both the beautiful women who died were aged and at peace with their fate, they leave behind family members who are dear friends of mine. I want to be with them to comfort them in their loss.



The timing is really horrible. We came to Florida for a conference that Dan wanted to attend in order to make a more informed decision about some speaking engagements he has been asked to do in 2010. Then tomorrow we will meet with the organization that has approached him about this opportunity. After that appointment we are to pick up his brother and sister-in-law who will already be at a cousin’s house, having flown in today from cold Ohio. Dan’s brother Nate and his wife, Viola are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary and we are privileged to have been asked to share this celebration with them.



To make this trip even more complicated, we just had our ninth grandchild born in Colorado and my heart wants to be out there to celebrate with our oldest son and his wife and beautiful family. And Ilea and Jared (our middle son) are making wedding plans and I want to help them. Ashley’s been having a lot of discipline issues and frustrations with her 2 and a half year old Clara who is too precocious and too cute for her own good and I want to take her to my house and give Ashley and Nathan a break. So many reasons why I feel guilty taking a trip away from home…..especially right now.



All these tugs on my time and energy and emotions are not exclusive to me. Everyone has them or at least they do in the circles in which I run. It is hard, in these days of continual busyness, to take time away to regroup. Life simply does not stop just because it is time for a vacation. Life goes on. And sometimes, if we allow it to, Life takes over and all of a sudden life IS over. I don’t want to become so busy and so entrenched in the events around me that I can’t feel the peace of unplugging and finding rest. Yet, I want to be available when I am needed. A consternation that is hard to rectify. At some point, one simply has to say, “Enough!” and schedule time for regrouping; a time to refill the tank with energy that makes it possible to function sanely. For me, that refilling comes best from just unplugging and going to the beach. It is how I can refuel and be more effective for the busy life I lead every day.



So I am trying to make peace with myself about not being nearby when my friend’s mothers have died. They know I love them and will be there for them when I return. My children will survive without me in constant attendance. My grandchildren will not be angry that I am absent for a few days and that tiny new baby boy in Colorado will never even know I am not there.



Can I truly give myself permission to just relax and enjoy being away with the love of my life for a few days? Can I enjoy helping my dear brother and sister-in-law celebrate a wonderful milestone in their lives while catching a few rays that nourish my soul and my body and rejuvenate me? I think I can. I just stepped outside into the warm sunshine and my heart and body tells me I need this time for me. And I need this time away with my sweetheart. If we don’t take care of us, we won’t be around long enough to enjoy all the kids, grandkids, friends and events in our lives. When you have officially reached “over the hill” status, you think more seriously about refueling and resting. I hope my friends and family want that for me as much as I want it for them.

It's Not All About YOU!

This morning I am spurred to write because of my concern and, quite frankly, my impatience with all the whining I am hearing lately. One of the first emails I read today contained a quote that hit a nerve and set me off on a thought process that led me back to my computer in writing mode. This is the quote and I thank Thom Carlin for putting it in my mailbox:



You only lose energy when life becomes dull in your mind.

Your mind gets bored and therefore tired of doing nothing.

Get interested in something! Get absolutely enthralled in

something! Get out of yourself! Be somebody! Do something.

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself,

the more energy you will have.
- Norman Vincent Peale



I often get on my high horse about giving to others and the power in looking beyond yourself. Lately I have seen and heard many people who are obsessed with their own circumstances and feel they live in a black hole from which there is no escape. Every conversation comes back to THEM. Every situation has some implication to THEM. Every bad thing that can happen happens to THEM.



Yesterday I had two people say something to me that stuck. My son’s fiancé, Ilea and I were talking about someone we both know who seems to be enjoying the attention he gets from all the failures in his life. Dan would say he is living in “comfortable misery”. It becomes a heavy cloak for some people and is rarely shed because it is so very comfortable and well-worn. This “comfortable misery” has gone on for quite some time and colors every aspect of his life. Reminds me of what my mother used to say about even bad attention, for some people, is better than no attention at all.



Then yesterday afternoon I was walking across the yard with Clara, my two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter when she turned around, pointed her pudgy little finger at me and with a very sincere and commanding look, told me, “Yia-Yia (that is Greek for Grandma and what she calls me), you have a choice! You can be YOU or you can be Cinderella!” I had to laugh at her precociousness but what she said has stuck with me like a pearl of wisdom often does.



Do you want to be YOU or do you want to be Cinderella? Are you comfortable in your misery? Are you craving attention so badly that the only way you know to get it is to draw attention to all the negatives and failures in your life? Are you so disappointed, worried, angry, and frustrated with your life that you can’t see the positives and be grateful? Can you not motivate yourself to move beyond that misery?



Maybe you ought to go back and reread what Norman Vincent Peale had to say. Maybe you need a good dose of helping someone else or getting involved in something worthwhile that takes your focus off yourself and your circumstances.



We live in America. The land of wealth and opportunity. We have few restrictions on our lives in this country and we take so much for granted. We see people come from what appears to be insurmountable odds against them, rise to the top with stardom, success and fulfillment. Yet we see others with fewer obstacles never get beyond them. Why? I am convinced that a lot has to do with our perception and attitude. Like little Clara says, I have two choices. I can be Cinderella or I can be ME in my misery or in my chaos or my perceptions. I choose to be Cinderella on the days when I feel beaten down or frustrated. On other days I will be ME because I know I am blessed beyond measure and choose not to wallow in all that might be obstacles in my life.



In a couple days I will be sixty-one. After age fifty I am sure my life went into overdrive and the years have been reduced to months that fly by so rapidly that it takes my breath away. I want to enjoy each day to the fullest and not be so encumbered by comfortable misery. I have had many of the same struggles in my life as anyone else. The difference is that I refuse to be controlled by those struggles and have them become my identity. When someone asks me “How are you?” I will respond with a cheery “GREAT!” because even if I may not feel that way at the moment, I intend to get there FAST.......and programming my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth is the first step to feeling on top of the world.



Sometimes I want to be Dr. Phil and ask people who are immersed in their anger, pain and misery.............. “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Unfortunately, often the response would be, “You just don’t understand.” Well, maybe I don’t. But I do know that I am not happy in “comfortable misery” and will do all I can not to go there. I wish others would take that same philosophy to heart. The best way I know to do that is to reach out to others when I am hurting most or getting too self-absorbed. I quickly realize how my own situation is not so bad and I am uplifted by the knowledge that I helped to make some little piece of this world a little better.

MY BOOK IS HERE!!

I am so excited. Boxes of my first published book arrived on Friday and I was able to take them to three Christmas parties over the weekend.......I was in awe that people actually wanted me to autograph them! Wow! What a humbling experience. What started out as a cute poem for my granddaughter has turned into a sweet children's book for which I am quite proud. It was hard work to muddle through the self-publishing aspect of this venture. I will be a guest on Dan's podcast this week to tell about how difficult...........yet rewarding........... it is to achieve this goal. This is a book with a message to both parents and children about the unique personalities we all have. I hope you will check it out and buy a few copies for your children and grandchildren. We have a special on the 48 Days.com website. Just click on the Christmas Specials.

Also, please consider placing a note about this in your newsletter or blog. Thank you Theresa Lode for blogging about it and Victor Encinas for putting it in your newsletter! Without the support of my friends I am not sure I would ever have muddled through all this. Blessings and many thanks to you all.............

Christmas Calm

The holiday time is always stressful........whether it is good, bad or a mix of both. There is so much going on and so many people to love on and give to and bake for and buy for and clean up after........and on and on. Makes my head spin just thinking about it. I know our schedule includes THREE Christmas parties this weekend alone. So it takes a real effort to find PEACE amidst the chaos. These last few days I have been listening non-stop to a very sweet CD called Christmas Calm by our dear friend, Kirk Dearman. It is one of the most peace-evoking CD’s I have ever owned. And to say it is calming to the spirit is to put it mildly. It is well done and the beautiful arrangements of old stand-by Christmas tunes is almost worshipful. I encourage you to go to the website and buy your copy of Christmas Calm. And buy an extra copy or two to give to friends and family.They will thank you for it! With a website titled Come To The Quiet you can expect this music to transport you to that place of peace that should be the spirit of Christmas.

Bah Humbug!

Tis the Season to make jolly! And to give. I love Christmas. For this special holiday I shop all year round anticipating the desires and wishes of my family and friends........and there are many. I love to give. It comes very easily and naturally for me. But every year around this time I am made painfully aware of those who simply don't think to give...or have no desire...aren't in the mood.....or can't afford it. All of which I, personally, find pretty selfish and short sighted. I hear all kinds of excuses......."I'm not going to put that kind of stress on myself this year.", "I can't afford to buy any gifts. The economy has me too strapped.", "I'm not going to buy into the commercialism.", and on and on with what I call "Bah! Humbug! excuses".



God gave us the gift of his Child for Christmas. He gave us Hope, Encouragement, Love, Joy, and Promise. He gave us many reasons to celebrate. For me, Christmas is a celebration of the heart. And in that "heart-giving" both the giver and the receiver are blessed. And that is the biggest reason to give. Going outside yourself........beyond your circumstances.......... and making the effort to give something special to someone else. When I hear someone whining about the injustices, loneliness, and messed up relationships in their life, my first question for them is, “What are you doing to give back to others?” It is amazing how many excuses I hear about how that just isn’t possible. I am convinced that self-absorption is the #1 malady in America today.



Having no money is the lamest excuse of all. Some of the most amazing gifts we have ever received........and given......have been inexpensive home made gifts. Cookies, candles, bread, tea mix, hand made cards, a hand written note of appreciation, a framed picture. Even something from the Dollar store tells the recipient he or she is thought about in a special way. Probably half the gifts I give each year are gathered from garage sales, auctions or Goodwill stores. Those gifts are bought and given with just as much love and consideration as if I was purchasing from Macy’s. Don’t ever tell me you couldn’t afford to get any gifts for anyone for Christmas. That translates into, “I’m selfish and didn’t want to take the time to remember anyone in my life who meant anything to me this year.” Anyone can pick up a 50¢ card at the Dollar Tree and write a simple thank you note of appreciation and love. Or better yet, how about the sweet gift I came home to last night?



While Dan and I were in Ohio for the holiday and no one was at our house, daughter Ashley and her husband Nathan came in and totally cleaned out, added extra shelving and organized my kitchen pantry. They even cleaned out my ridiculously overflowing junk drawer (everyone has one!). I came home to a very pleasant surprise (and lots of love notes stuck everywhere) and all it cost them was their time and their loving hearts and a few dollars for some shelving supplies. This is a gift that will stick with me a long while. Knowing they took the time to plan this while we were gone and have it be a complete surprise said, “I LOVE YOU!” in capital letters! Just about everyone can give something of themselves as a gift. I have known some very poor people who have reached out to show their love and their gratitude to others during the holiday season and felt it was the highlight of their Christmas.



Yes, it takes time. It takes some planning and it sometimes takes a bit of coin. But giving is what Christmas is all about. It always has been. And giving always comes back to the giver in some special way. If you don’t believe it, try making this Christmas the “giving-est” holiday you have ever had. At the very least you will feel the satisfaction of having given back to those who have blessed you during the year. And you may find that God turns that giving into some very real and tangible experiences, relationships and events you never anticipated. And one thing I know for sure is that when you are giving to others, you have very little time (or desire) to wallow in your own self pity or self-absorption. This is a good lesson to remember all year long.

A Rose Is Not Just A Rose!

I have a magnificent Rose. Actually my Rose is a person and she is a very special person indeed. I first heard of Rose Gauss from West Mifflin, PA a couple years ago when she won a 48 Days contest for her innovative idea for business. Dan and Kevin both agreed that not only was Rose extremely gifted but she was also a very sweet lady! Time went by and when I was mulling over the idea of turning what started out as a poem into a children's book I began looking for illustrators who would "see" the book the way I envisioned. Dan put out the word to his readers that I was looking for an illustrator and I got a TON of responses from many very gifted people. During that time Kevin suggested I check out Rose's website....... www.rosegauss.com..........and eventually I did. I was impressed.......but at that time I was pretty overwhelmed with all the beautiful art work I had seen coming my way. I talked to Deby, Theresa, Jill and Vicki who constituted my Creative Connection group and they kept urging me to forge on and get this book printed. So I emailed Rose to see if she was interested. I felt very out of my element and was so warmed and encouraged by her sweet nature. But what really sealed the deal with me was when, after reading my poem, Rose told me she envisioned the illustrations to be along the lines of a children's book I had picked up a few weeks prior and told Dan, "This is what I see my book looking like..........." And, amazingly Rose had the same book in mind. Now I do believe God speaks to people in very different ways and this is a great example of how God speaks in the form of confirmation. When I realilzed Rose had picked the same book...........the same illustrator I had been excited about.......I knew God had sent her to me. And Rose Gauss has done a wonderful job with my first published book. This is not just MY book. It is OUR book and I am so proud to have her input. Indeed, my Rose is not just an ordinary Rose........she is amazing and I owe her a lot of thanks. She has been a blessing and I am already looking forward to working with her on OUR next book in this series. Bless you, Rose Gauss! You are a great example of how we at 48 Days can and DO help each other become successful!

My Book is Ready!

Guess you know by now I love to write. Seems everyone in the Miller family loves to write and we all do our fair share. Every January I put on my New Year's resolutions to have something published by year's end. Have been doing this for quite a few years now and obviously have been lax in getting this accomplished Life happens. It happens a lot! Especially when you have as active a family as we have. And especially when the family keeps growing with spouses and babies! But finally I have fulfilled that long-time goal. Today I received the proof copy for my first published book and I am so excited. Several years ago I was inspired to write a lyrical poem for my oldest granddaughter, Autumn Grace. I gave it to her on her birthday and she called me immediately after receiving it and said, "Nana, you need to turn that into a book!".................well, I mulled that one over for months. Indeed, who best to determine what will make a good children's book than a child who loves the story? So I began looking for an illustrator who caught my vision for the whimsical story and who would be fun to work with. I found Rose Gauss in Pennsylvania through our son, Kevin and what a blessing it has been to work with her. We have spent a lot of hours "together" by phone and email but have yet to meet face-to-face. One day we will. In the meantime, Rose and I are excited about this new venture. The book is titled I Wanna Be ME and explains that not all girls want to wear pink and get dressed up in frills and lace! It validates a child's uniqueness and fits in well with all the other 48 Days products that promote the importance of knowing who you are and how you are gifted. So very soon Dan will have the book on our website and it will be available for purchase for Christmas gifts! I think you will like it. Everyone who has seen it in process has loved it and it has even been known to bring a tear to the eye! It is 47 pages long and retails for $12.99 but I am sure it will be $10 on the website and I will be happy to autograph each book! I Wanna Be ME is geared to ages 2-8 but I think just about any age will enjoy it! It is the first of a series and the second one is about half written. Keep looking for the release in the next two weeks. A special thanks to all my friends and family who encouraged me to see this through............you know who you are!

Looking for Greater Success?

I know a lot of very creative people. Photographers, artists, writers, musicians, cooks, seamstresses and this list goes on. Truth is, I believe that everyone has a creative nature. I cringe when someone tells me they don't have a creative bone in their body. I just chuckle because usually those same people have never really looked introspectively at their own gifts and talents or they have never taken the time to develop them.



About seven years ago I was looking for ways to help myself "de-stress" and ran across an advertisement for Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain art classes to be held at the rec center by local artist Melanie Jackson. I had never drawn before. In fact, I would be hard pressed to make a recognizable stick figure. But I have always been creative in the kitchen, the sewing room, home decorating, etc. So I decided to check out the class. It was very hard at first. I sometimes wanted to throw my pencil across the room and shout, "I don't want to do this! It's too hard!" But I also knew that I could use a little discipline in my life and thus I am still taking art lessons seven years later. Each week I know that for two and a half hours I will sit in class with other artistic friends and go into my right brain and produce reasonably good pieces.



Years ago I was encouraged to pursue my writing and my creative nature by author and innovator, Harold McAlindon. He wrote The Little Book of Big Ideas and became a friend to Dan and me. I love that little book. It has some great quotes and passages to encourage creativity. One of my favorites is, "As you nurture your own creativity, life will naturally become more meaningful, satisfying, and enjoyable." Another is, "Creativity is a rare part of living. It's fundamental. None of us can squelch our creativity without feeling less than whole, incomplete and depressed." (Lynn Weiss, Ph.D) I believe if more people who are frustrated over the monotony and/or chaos of their lives took time to discover their creative nature and actually DO something to release that energy, they would look at their circumstances with new eyes.



I can tell when I just need to get in my creative zone. I begin to feel hedged in, unmotivated and depressed. God made me very multi-faceted. He made all of us that way. I think we could take a lifetime just discovering new things about ourselves and those new discoveries could open untold doors to future success. Since taking my art classes I have learned to look at everything with new eyes. It is like getting new glasses and discovering everything is clearer, more vibrant and more beautiful and thus creates new excitement and energy within my soul.



Don't ever get caught saying, "I don't have a creative bone in my body." Instead, think of ways to develop creativity and discover new insights into your personality you never knew before. Harold McAlindon lists these personal gains to developing your own creativity:

1. An intense "aliveness" and increased self-confidence.

2. Reduced stress.

3. An inner sense of well being and peace.

4. More control of your job and your life.

5. Personal satisfaction of experienceing your true self in unique and fulfilling ways.



I encourage you to find a creative outlet. It may not provide your income but it may provide a sense of peace and energy you need to spur you on to greater success in your life!


My Gift From The Sea




I recently went to Florida for a week on the beach. I went with a dear friend and stayed in their family beach home...........and midweek, five other friends arrived to stay a few days. It was a great time of relaxation and refreshing for me. Kind of a physical “rebooting”! I had been looking forward to getting to the ocean for many months. I am never more in tune with God’s greatness, beauty and power as I am when I am listening to the sounds of the water crashing along the shore and seeing a sunset disappear into the sea. Another friend sent me a card before I left that says, “There is a special joy in the wonder of the sea and a gentle serenity in its beauty for all who stop to meet God there.” This friend understands my heart and my need to refresh.



When I go to the beach I take along my dog-eared and highlighted old edition of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift of the Sea, originally written in 1955. When I read it I join with her in her search for rest and reflection. It does my heart good to read the words of another who is wife, mother, writer, and very busy woman who escapes to the sea to “reboot”. Anne (I feel as though we are on familiar terms now) says she would like to lead the simple life but her “......frame of life does not foster simplicity.” She was the mother of five children. Her days were very full. Her occasional need for escape was assuaged by her forays to the sea. She goes on to say, “What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives.”



I find myself needing an escape now and then. I love my life. I have an incredible husband, children who are happy, healthy and changing the world each day and whom I adore and they reciprocate. I have the most amazing grandchildren, a beautiful home and all my needs taken care of. But all of those things..........those rich blessings.......come with a price. There is a lot of work and effort into making them happen successfully. I didn’t just develop a wonderful life because I am a nice person. I put lots of effort every single day into having deep, loving relationships, a home of peace and orderliness, making every effort to change the world in ways that often put a strain on my patience, stamina and soul. I simply have to carve out time to get away and regroup in a way that gives me the peace that often gets overshadowed by my efforts to accommodate and please the world around me.



Anne talks about how our days are so filled with overload that we are never alone. “We are so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. Even if family, friends, and movies should fail, there is still the radio or television to fill up the void.” For me, going to the sea and listening to the waves and the birds replacing the clamor and busyness of my every day routine takes me to a place of reverie that both energizes and relaxes my soul. I don’t take a radio, or my cell phone or an iPod or anything else that would disturb my reverie. I just listen. And listening to God’s nature has the soothing effect that is balm to my heart and soul.



Anne writes, “Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day.................By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off............If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it. As it is, they feel so unjustified in their demand that they rarely make the attempt.” Admittedly I am at a season in my life when I can give myself permission more often to take these breaks and enjoy more solitude and reflection. It is one of the exquisite blessings of aging and having worked hard and long to attain victory in my relationships and in my life. I give myself permission more often now to take my Gift from the Sea in a very tangible way.............and I am grateful to my friends, Candy and Liz for making way for me to “reboot” in Nokomis, Florida...............a true gift of friendship.





<</body>

Classy Clara

Ok.........I can't help but share this adorable picture of my granddaughter, Clara Isabel. Her Mom is our daughter, Ashley. Clara will be two in April. Today Ashley let her pick out what she wanted to wear. This is what she chose. Be sure to check out her shoes!



I had to chuckle because I remember when our son, Jared used to pick out his clothes. He would look like Michael Jackson one day......complete with the black glove...........Mr. T the next......accessorized with crocheted earrings and bracelets and necklaces the neighbor girls would make for him. As I think about it, maybe I should have picked up a few cues back then about what I would deal with as he grew into a teenager! I have a sneaking suspicion that Ashley and Nathan are in for some interesting times with little Miss Clara.






A New Outlook

It isn't a secret that our country is in a recession. Businesses are going under, people are losing their homes, jobs and relationships. It is a difficult time for everyone. Some more than others. But I am one who practices seeing the glass half full. I know there is a lot of upheaval in our country I can't control.....but I CAN control my response to what is happening. I can make a concerted effort to find ways to use money more wisely, use energy more conservatively, and find beauty in the world in spite of all the chaos around me.



Recently I attended a luncheon at a local country club. Everyone there was dressed nicely and expensively. My daughter, Ashley came up to me grinning from ear-to-ear and spun around modeling her chic new outfit she had bought for................ $10. Yep. Three pieces of clothing.........name-brand pants, shirt and jacket for $10 she found at Thriftsmart. She is as excited about her bargain find as she would have been if she found it on sale at Macy's. Maybe more so! I told her it was great stewardship of her money. Ashley and Nathan are not poor. They have no debt and manage their money wisely. Shopping at the Thrift Store and on Craig's List and Freecycle has become a challenge for her.............one that saves money and helps others in the process. She is practicing being a good steward of her money and not only is that wise in today's economy...........but it is a Biblical principle. (Proverbs 6:1-5)






I have always felt that being a good steward of our money is very important. I take it seriously, thus, much of my lovely home is furnished and decorated with garage sale and auction finds. Many of our car purchases have been from E-bay. I don't feel the need to live in a mansion or drive the most current model car. If Warren Buffet can still live in the first house he ever bought, I can certainly make do in the modest home I have now.



At the luncheon I learned of at least three new businesses women were doing from their homes. Innovative and exciting businesses that shows me people are being creative about the work they do. They are doing things that are not traditional and aren't reliant on a company's failure or a boss's firing. They are taking things in their own hands and working hard to have positive outlooks in spite of the economy. I think that is commendable and it makes me optimistic that our country may be heading to a healthier outlook on how we view money and how we place priorities. It may make people look at what they have and be thankful rather than being envious of their neighbor who may have more. We may be coming to a time when "Keeping up with the Joneses" is a phrase no longer in our thoughts and indeed........may become very socially undesirable!

The Little Things

Yesterday I opened a book and found one of Dan’s little love notes in it.........and it made me think, as I often do, of the little things we do for one another that puts BIG deposits into our relational bank account.



Valentine’s Day is drawing close. It is my second most favorite time of year right after Christmas. It is a time when I think often of all the wonderful years with my husband. I have known him since 1966. That’s a long time. We married in 1968.



Both of us came from parents who were not in ideal marriages by a long shot. Dan’s parents barely tolerated each other; a civil relationship that didn’t show much love or support. I never knew having a father because my mother had been divorced twice before I was four years old and remarried my father when I was already out of the house..........briefly..........before she divorced him again. She says if you add up all three marriages it wouldn’t total six years. A sad commentary.



We fell in love gradually. We became good friends first.........and I was in awe of how Dan treated me like a lady. He was considerate, kind, attentive, a great conversationalist and listener. And very wise. Not to mention I thought he was majorly cute! Since I had never been treated so well by a man before I quickly saw the value in hanging onto this Godly gentleman.



We vowed to work hard at creating a relationship and marriage we could be proud of and would make us both stay in love with one another. And we have certainly done that. Through respect, perseverance, kindness, consideration, and right priorities we have had over 40 years of an incredible loving relationship that has kept us true to one another and has been a model for our children in their own relationships.



For our anniversary ten years ago, I gave Dan a little booklet I made for him that listed little things he does that say “I Love You!” through his actions. It not only made a big hit with him but countless others have read it and wept for the insight it gave them into how to make their own relationship better. I want to tell you some of the little things that make BIG deposits into our relational bank account....................



Not long ago I went to Hilton Head with a girlfriend and every time I would pull something out of my suitcase or open a book I had brought I would exclaim, “Oh! Here’s another note!” My friend got excited with me and told her own husband that he needed to take notice! Dan always puts love notes in my suitcase when I go on a trip without him. I do the same for him. It has become a fun challenge for us to hide the notes without the other seeing so that we will be pleasantly surprised when we discover them. We did it for our children too, in their lunchboxes and in their suitcases. Now they do the same thing in their relationships.



Every morning I fix tea for Dan and myself. Dan says he can’t do it. I know he COULD do it but I enjoy doing it for him. I once was accused of enabling him to be helpless. I scoffed at that remark as I mulled it over and figured if I was enabling, then so be it. I am comfortable with waiting on Dan because he does it for me too. If we are sitting in the living room and he decides to get himself a drink he will ALWAYS ask if I would like something and he is just as eager to “enable” me as I am him. It works both ways.



Recently I had a carful of women and we were following a carful of guys driven by Dan. I needed gas. So Dan pulled in to the gas station ahead of me and waited for me to pull up and he filled my tank and paid for my gas. I never got out of the car......but I did thank him and gave him a smooch. He knows I do NOT like to pump gas and he likes to do it for me. Seems fair enough to me. The girls in the car told him he spoils me and we both said it is true.........but it is reciprocal.



Dan has never really cooked a meal in our entire lives together. He says he has never had any interest since I do it so well. I enjoy cooking so it has always worked that I do the meals. If I don’t want to cook, he takes me out to dinner or we mix up a bowl of oatmeal. No problem. He does, however, readily get up from the table and clean up. He fills the dishwasher, washes by hand, wipes countertops. Whatever it takes. He never grumbles about pitching in and we make a good team.



He opens doors for me. He says please and thank you. He never demands or commands. In fact, he has NEVER raised his voice to me........or to our children........He reaches for my hand to hold.............a lot...............He compliments me.............a lot.............. We both go out of our way to listen to the needs, desires and wishes for each other.... If I sigh over an IL DIVO song that I hear, it isn’t long before he has bought me the CD and I know he listened.



He is more concerned about my happiness than he is in being right. I listed that in the little book I made him. It is a big thing. A principle that many people never get. Someone always has to prove he/she is right and the other person loses. A good example: Not long ago we were driving and there was a blackened spot in the road with a little debris. Dan said it was where a car had burned up. I said, “No, I am sure it is a stain from road kill because I think I remember some scavenger birds there recently.” Rather than argue the point Dan didn’t say anything else. Wasn’t that important. About a month later that black spot in the road was still there. I felt guilty because I knew he had been right. My conscience got the best of me and one day as we passed by that spot I told him I owed him an apology. “Why?” he said. I told him I had been wrong and he was sweet not to have argued with me but I had to admit I was wrong. He thanked me for that....... It was a small thing. Most people would never have thought about it twice. But that dialog is the basis for our relationship. We care enough to be considerate, kind and gracious to one another. Waging a war on who is right and who is wrong only makes withdrawals from our emotional and relational bank accounts. Saying “I’m sorry” or giving a compliment makes huge deposits.



I often get asked how I managed to raise such respectful children. The answer is easy. They saw respect in their home. They never saw or heard fighting, anger, bitterness between their parents and they never experienced being treated that way. Consequently the people who come in contact with them always comment on their treatment of others. I am totally convinced it is a direct reflection of what they have seen at home.



And now my grown children are writing their own notes. And those notes never fail to bring tears to my eyes............tears of gratitude and tears of joy for the people they have become. Right now I am looking at a post-a-note from son, Jared, on the wall beside my computer. Before he left for Africa the last trip, he left a note stuck to my monitor that said, “Mom, You are the best Mom and friend a man could ever dream of. I thank God for you and for the part of you that is in me. Namaste. I love you, Jared” Wow! That was a tear jerker.



I get the same kind of notes from all my children and their mates. They have watched. They have listened. Whether we know it or not, we are our children’s most significant role models and they reflect what they see in their own homes..................If they have not had good role models for a relationship they can choose to do what Dan and I did at a very young age. They can draw a line in the sand that they will no longer settle for mediocrity or a poor relationship. They can change the family tree.



Valentine’s Day is special to me because it always brings to mind myriad examples of how Dan shows me he loves me......................and that is the best gift I could ever receive.

I hope that you will look at your own relationships this Valentine’s Day and treat your spouse or significant other in the way you would like to be treated. Personally I like being “spoiled” and in return, I don’t mind giving back the same treatment! Happy Valentine’s Day to all............especially to my Honey!

Games People Play

I have never related very well to people who do not play games. I don’t mean subtle innuendos, flirtatious behavior, coyness or other mental and emotional mind games. I am speaking of real games..........you know........... Gin Rummy, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, Connect Four, etc. When someone is invited to our house it is likely before our visit ends we will have played a game or two. Perhaps it is because of my total inability to focus on one thing..........such as meaningless chit-chat...........without doing something with my brain or my hands. So I usually revert to playing a game. It is such an ice-breaker with people who struggle with conversation. It is also a way to get riotous laughter out of even the most somber guest!



In my estimation there are many reasons why game-playing is important. Playing games creates amazing opportunities to become a good problem solver; to think creatively and outside the box. It allows for conversation and connection that sitting in front of a TV simply does not provide. Games teach us about competition, good sportsmanship, and how to handle challenges. Other benefits are stimulating laughter, interaction with others and incredible memories. Oh, yes, lots of memories.



Dan and I have played games with our children since they were toddlers. Rather than TV viewing we encouraged game playing, creative activities and lots of outdoor time. When the children were older we began having weekly Family Night and it was paramount that each of them was home for the evening. We began with a nice sit-down family dinner and sharing time. Then we ended with interactive games. Sometimes it was simply taking turns picking a handwritten question from a bowl and then answering it to stimulate conversation and share philosophies and concepts. It became commonplace as the children became teenagers that they wanted their friends to share in this fun and laughter so often Family Night included others who would ask to join us.



Now the kids are grown and having families of their own but the highlight of having them home is the times when we all gather around the big oak table in the kitchen and play games. Jared, our middle child, always says he doesn’t like to play games. He will make a big deal out of not wanting to play yet he always succumbs to the pressure of the fun everyone is having and quickly changes his mind. And his siblings have always said that when Jared isn’t home to be part of game playing it is never quite as much fun. His wry wit keeps us all in stitches and he always makes game time memorable.



Remembering how Dan’s parents, being raised Amish, rarely ever played games it seems ironic that some of our family’s fondest memories is of Grandpa Miller laughing so hard he cried when we played the Dictionary game. Seems like so often he would come up with a word that sounded just irreverent enough that he managed to shock us just a little bit. And I can’t forget the time Grandma Miller actually said yes when we asked her to play. Usually she was content to watch. She never joined in but she watched and laughed with us and seemed to genuinely enjoy our fun and frolicking. We made such a big deal out of the day she said yes that we marked it on the calendar and celebrated that date in grand style.



When my new son-in-law, Nathan, got initiated into our game playing he got so frustrated he nearly threw the Catch Phrase across the room. Catch Phrase is probably our favorite family game. The first time we played it with Nathan was at my brother-in-law’s home in Ohio. We frantically passed the Catch Phrase around the circle of family members and every single time it buzzed that the game was over..........consequently meaning that team lost......it was ALWAYS in Nathan’s hands. Over and over again. He simply couldn’t win. It was a night full of shouts of delight and frustration!



Then there was the time Dan tried to get everyone to guess the words “crab legs” and his team simply could not get it. Dan resorted to pointing to his leg and so the answers came loud and fast......... “crab thighs”......crab ankles”...... “crab feet”...... “crab pants”. His team never did get the right answer and Dan was totally dumbfounded that they could miss something so obvious while the other team........the girls........laughed till tears ran down their faces. It was a very memorable night and everyone went to bed exhausted from laughter and sweet memories.



Now our children are home less frequently and yet Dan and I still play games. We begin most mornings with our cup of tea, bran muffin and a quiet game of Quiddler . Quiddler is a word game like word rummy. We love word games. We have worn out several decks of Quiddler in the last few years. Sometimes we play it in the evenings when we are too tired and rather than sit in front of the TV we would rather talk to each other and laugh while competing over a game. We are pretty evenly matched and this being a new year we decided to keep a running tally of wins to eliminate the argument over who wins most. I am chagrined that so far this year he is ahead by double the points. I am determined that this pattern will NOT continue.



We take Quiddler cards with us everywhere we go. There is always a deck in our luggage along with a Scrabble dictionary. We use it freely and learn new words we never would have run across in our daily discourse. Our desire is to one day buy an electronic Scrabble dictionary like the ones we saw two couples using on a train ride last year in California. They were heavy into Quiddler too and the electronic dictionary was an incredible help. We have a deck of Quiddler cards in the car so when we are waiting at a restaurant for our food we often will play a game and it invariably draws a lot of attention from passers-by who become inquisitive enough to want to know more about the game. We have probably been the best marketing tool the company has ever had and they don’t even know it.



Some evenings Dan and I play Sequence or Upwards. Both games keep us challenged and competitive and give us time to talk and plan and laugh and just relax. Hopefully playing games gives our brains a workout so we can stave off the onslaught of old age and boredom.



Playing games will always be a part of our family life and as the grandkids join in we are creating lots of fun memories for the next generation that will help them become better problem solvers, better spellers, better mathematicians, better at connecting with others and will also fill their days with laughter, interaction and creativity rather than becoming TV and electronic gadget addicts. I am convinced that people unaccustomed to playing games are missing out. Dan and I will probably still be challenging each other when we are too old to do much else but play games and I hope by then I will be ahead in games won! Quiddler, anyone??

Time Out For....ME

As many of you know, I just took my annual birthday trip to Chicago to celebrate my 60th! Hard to think I am at that age that I used to think of as really old! ...........but I have to admit it really isn't as bad as I had envisioned! Dan and I had a lot of time to talk and think while we were in Chicago. It was bitter cold there and much of our traditional activities were curtailed due to the weather. Then we got stuck there. Flights cancelled and then delayed. We finally got home on Christmas eve and went straight from the airport to a party and have been on the go ever since. But that time spent in the quiet of our motel room afforded me the time to read through Oprah's January issue of O Magazine. If you have not read it, you need to. No matter if you are male or female, it is a must read if you are thinking seriously about the changes in our world and in your own life.



I bought the issue mainly because of our son Jared's KEZA organization. (www.keza.com) On page 156 there is a Prada model wearing the KEZA necklaces and in the credits in the back of the magazine it gives the name and website info. So since I had the time and the magazine in hand I read it all............cover to cover. And boy did it get me excited about changes I want to make in my own life this year!



Probably the most amazing article was from Oprah herself (and if you are of the mindset that Oprah is "of the devil" you are taking a very narrow view of a woman who has, in spite of her flaws, had a lot of positive impact on our society. A couple of changes I made in 2008 was to quit being so judgemental and arrogant and to allow people to be who they are and love them in spite of our differences!) Oprah wrote an incredibly honest and revealing article about how she has gained back much of the weight she had lost years ago and had to revisit what she is doing to herself. It is an article that will make you think and will also free you from the bondage of guilt.

What it did for me...........and what the other articles said to me.......... was exactly what I needed to hear. I CAN take control of my life in this New Year by taking better care of ME!



It's ironic, actually, because I have spent most of 2008 advising people to look beyond themselves and to see the needs of others with a more authentic and compassionate heart. I worked hard at doing exactly what I preached and found that much of 2008 I was on overload. I was overwhelmed with compassion for everyone I met, everywhere I went, every opportunity I experienced. By the time the holiday rolled around I was so exhausted both physically and mentally from trying to be Queen of Everything (see a previous blog) and fix everyone that I needed to take a fresh look at what I had created in my world. Taking time out to read Oprah's magazine helped me to see that I had often neglected taking care of me. And that is hard for me to do. Very hard. I have made a life for myself out of taking care of everyone else and feeling good about that. Talk about the consumate people pleaser! I imagine some of you can totally relate. Oprah said her philosophy and the philosophy of the magazine is to fill your own cup so you have bounty to share with others. The problem here is that we people pleasers often forget to fill our own cup FIRST.



I have lost track of how many New Years have passed by with me saying once again that I will do more writing and I will finish the book on Creating a Haven of Peace..........In a Broken World that I have been writing and formulating for probably 15 years. And now another year has passed and I think I wrote one chapter towards that goal. I have heard Dan say over and over that if it is important enough you will put it first priority........and obviously it hasn't been important enough. The truth of those words rankle. I sometimes want to slap him silly when he says things like that.........but in my head I know he is right and that Oprah is right and that if I don't take time to regenerate and take care of me and my own house, everything else suffers. I tell others to do that all the time. Yet, obviously I don't practice what I preach.



So this year I am going to concentrate on me and my house. It means saying no to a lot of people and events and circumstances. And that is going to be a major problem for me. But I am going to work hard at it and learn to say, "No..........I am sorry but that doesn't line up with my goals for this year." or better yet, "No......I have another commitment that day!" And I do.............A commitment to myself!



I wish you all an incredible New Year full of miracles and God's richness. I encourage you to read O Magazine for January and I also encourage you to read Ken Gire's Windows of the Soul. I have read it, studied it and taught it..........and apparently somewhere along the way I forgot to take it to heart........but I intend to revisit that book and once again learn to take time out to see God in everything around me and to REST in that glory and abundance...........and learn that taking care of me is NOT self-serving but is a principle that is necessary in order to share the bounty with everyone around me.

Before the Dawn

I have often heard it said it is darkest before the dawn. I woke early this morning thinking and mulling over how many people I have spoken to recently who have wandered through the darkness till it got so dark they couldn’t imagine what was ahead and then like a blaze of glory, a tiny speck of light appeared before them......and then more........and then.........an increasing dawning of a new day.........a new experience.......a new life..........a new job...........a new relationship...........



My son, Jared never ceases to amaze me. I have always learned a lot from Jared’s perspective. He has put his father and me through Hell and back more times than I care to relate. Yet, he always learns from the experiences.....and so do we! He always comes through it with insight that makes me think he is wise beyond his years.



Jared has just gone through some very trying times in his “ministry/business” in Rwanda. How he got over there is an incredible story in itself but what he has learned since landing there is just...........well...........miraculous. But these last few months have been the darkest and hardest tests and trials he has gone through since starting his work in Africa. He was falsely accused of doing things he fights so hard against and had to devote a lot of time and money he did not have to defend himself, his organization and the family he has established in Rwanda. (If you want to read about it, you can read the latest newsletter update HERE)



All throughout the ordeal he kept telling me he was learning a lot about what God wanted him to see. As his mother, fearing for his life, his reputation, his sanity.....it was sometimes difficult for me to handle. He is visiting here now, in the USA, and I have talked to him several times about his ordeal. He says unequivocally that had he not gone through the darkness he never would have learned all he did.....which has propelled him into some new directions and avenues he would likely not have explored otherwise. He even goes so far as to say he would go through it all again for what he has learned.



Wow.........that’s a pretty bold statement! Yet I so understand it. I can look back twenty years ago when Dan and I experienced what we not so fondly refer to as our “crash and burn” experience of losing our home, our cars, everything we owned due to a business venture Dan got into that went majorly SOUTH! It was a devastating time for us......yet I have since often expressed how valuable that experience was to us in learning principles we now use to help others put their careers and lives in perspective. It was better education than sitting in the classroom hoping for a piece of paper that says we pass or fail.



A young girl I am mentoring has been working hard to better her life. She is a former inmate who is fighting to put her past behind her and change her family tree. She has told me that had she not gone to prison, she would never have met me. I heard her pray at a prison worship service I was conducting and knew in my heart this girl needed a hand up. I knew she was a lost child who needed a new family. She now calls me Mom and she has come through the darkness to a new light in her life. And she is still learning. Recently her grandmother died and her home was broken into all within days of one another. She was crushed at first..........but she is a fighter and a strong young woman of God. She is now looking at some options that may take her away from living in the projects the rest of her life. It is her greatest desire to get out of the environment she has always known and give her young daughter a new family tree in which to climb. I know she will do it. I know she is seeing the dawn just ahead and that is exciting to watch unfold!



It is not infrequent my husband hears clients and readers tell him that getting fired was the worst time in their lives and the best time in their lives. Getting fired can often propel you into a new venture you never dreamed could happen. Losing a job can be the impetus to relieve you of that “comfortable misery” of lying day in and day out on that sharp nail.



One thing I know for sure........... I always learn a lot from listening to Jared. He told me probably a year ago that he knows when he is in his darkest hours to be confident God has something really exciting up ahead. He has learned not only to expect it but to live in eager anticipation. Wow! Another good principle. Just like lying your head on that comfortable pillow at night knowing it is going to get darker and darker and when you wake you will face the light of a new dawn and a new experience with exciting anticipation.



I need to always remember that God has His hand on me and if I can weather the storms of life a new dawn will soon appear and I can be comforted in knowing His Plan for me is going to be far better than I could ever have imagined on my own. So why waste energy and time by fretting? I want to take on Jared’s perspective. It is much healthier and will add more years and joy to my life............so today is a new dawn and I intend to expect good things to happen! Carpe Diem!