Reflecting

On Easter Sunday of this year...March 23rd, 2008...Daniel and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage. I was 17 and he was 19 when we met on campus at OSU. We were kids who grew up together. It didn't take us long to find we were meant for each other and all these years later, we marvel at the perfection of this marriage that God put together. We came from different worlds. We jest that he was Mennonite and I was Heathen. But God saw something we needed from one another and the following years have been a testimony to His sense of humor, His blessing and His Love.

I cringe when I hear married friends talk about how difficult is marriage. I have never really felt marriage is any more difficult than life itself. There are ups and downs, hills and valleys, disappointments and trials...but I can't imagine not having my soul mate and true love beside me through each and every day. The Jerry McGuire cheesy quote that so many make fun of truly describes our feelings for one another..."You complete me." Isn't that what a marriage is all about? It's like a puzzle that when the pieces are all put together it completes the picture. He doesn't take away from who I am; he enhances my life to make me a better person.

I recently had a young man ask me what is the secret to 40 years of happy married life. I can tell you it is not settling for mediocrity. It is not just enduring. It is not just fulfilling a commitment. I can tell you it is all about unselfishness. It is all about loving someone enough to practice being kind rather than right. It is all about respect and encouragement and support. It is all about wanting to make the other person shine!

And in so doing, we make an incredible team. And in so doing, we have had a wonderfully happy and productive 40 years together. And yes, it has taken work. It doesn't just happen on its own. Left to itself anything deteriorates. We made a conscious decision that working on our marriage was tantamount to the success of our children and our businesses. We have made our relationship high priority for over 40 years and we still work on it every day.

I want to share an example of love in action. Even after 40 years.

Recently I was spending an evening at the Tennessee Prison for Women conducting a worship service. When I got home late, Dan was in bed listening to me chatter about the inmates while I undressed and wound down for the day. I put on my robe and looked on my side of the bed for my old slippers. Not there. I looked in the bathroom, all the while filling Dan in on how the evening had gone. Slippers not there. So I went back to my closet and still couldn't find them. But over to the side was a pretty pair of brand new pink slippers. I picked them up and asked "Whose are these?" thinking maybe my daughter Ashley had left slippers at our house since we both wear about the same size. At first Dan tried to act like he didn't know but I can read him like a book. After all I have had a lot of years of experience! As he began to smile I asked, "Why did you get these for me? And how did you even know I needed them? And when did you get them???" He said he had seen my old slippers in the bathroom that morning and saw how worn out they were (hey, they were comfortable!!) and thought there was no need for me to wear something that shabby. So while I was at the prison, he went shopping (something he RARELY does) and not only bought me new slippers but he bought the right size, the right color and the right style.

That seemingly small incident said volumes to me.

It told me that after 40 years, he still loves me enough to care about my needs and happiness. It told me I was important enough to him to go shopping, something he detests. And it told me he is in tune enough to know my size and my style preference.

It told me most of all that he loves me. Still. After 40 years, three kids and 6.5 grandkids. In spite of bulges, wrinkles, grey hairs and aches and pains of age. It told me I have had an amazing adventure for 40 years and I have many more years of great adventures ahead. I am looking forward to it. And more importantly I am looking forward to sharing every adventure with the love of my life! Happy Anniversary, Daniel!

March 19, 2008